People always tell me that yoga is the be all, end all to mental health/physical issues, the start of a transformation from Girl Who Never Has Her Shit Together to Goddess of Purity.
“I’ve been having a rough time with my mental health lately”
“Have you tried yoga? One session and I felt cured instantly. The Flying Lotus position stole away my perpetual anxiety and Daddy Issues. I don’t even need to drink green tea anymore!”
Recently, yoga has been marketed as well as those weight loss drinks that Jameela Jamil is such a big fan of – to read more about this – click here
Everyone from my Mum to the cashier at Topshop has an opinion. What are the benefits of yoga you ask? “Yoga increases body awareness, relieves stress, reduces muscle tension, strain, and inflammation, sharpens attention and concentration, and calms and centers the nervous system” as stated by Psychology Today.
I’ve done a few yoga sessions in my time thinking it would be a doddle and I’d achieve the complete state of tranquillity that everyone else seems to experience. But boy was I wrong, as a newcomer, this is the process when I went through
- Yasss Queen! I am gonna become so zen people are gonna talk about how chilled I became. I am gonna become so flexible, my legs are gonna rule the world someday. People are gonna compliment all my muscles and abs and I’m gonna live on a beach in Bali and teach other people the secret to finessing Yoga
2. Oh shit, that position looks kinda difficult. I put my leg, where?! How do people do these positions regularly?!
3. Hmm just copy everyone else. You got this. Just keep your head down and oh shit she’s coming over. Why is no one else getting those sympathy looks? Am I seriously the only one who is shit at yoga?
4. She’s moving me into position and it’s kinda unbearable right now. Fml, why am I the only one who is not getting this? Wow my legs HURT.
5. Ooh yass I got this downward dog perfected. I am a goddess. Bow down to me bitches. Ah fuck cramp. THIS KILLS. Everything hurts. If I die I am sueing this god damn yoga teacher who wants to kill me.
6. Yoga is so damn easy. All it requires is some legwork and patience. Which I have obviously.Duh. I’m gonna ace this shit. Look at me doing my stretches. We out here doing so many sun salutations I might as well buy a lifetime membership to this yoga class
7. My whole body hurts. I don’t feel relaxed at all. Why did I agree to this? Do people do this voluntarily?
8. Fuck it. Same again next week.